


Killing Me Softly

by daelisix



Series: Boy; Offonoff [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Club Eskimo, HIGHGRND, M/M, Offonoff, Side!2Jae, Smoking, a sprinkle of angst, implied sex, inspired from songs, mention of suicide, more make out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 08:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15602517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daelisix/pseuds/daelisix
Summary: Younghyun wanted to give up music and go back to his cigarette addiction. But every ounce of sentiment he has pulls him back to the world of notes and melodies. It's not the cylindrical rolls containing harmful materials that are killing him, it's the other cigarette of his life; the cigarette that has been long gone; the cigarette known as Park Jaehyung.[READ CIGARETTE FIRST // THIS IS A SEQUEL]





	1. Photograph

**Author's Note:**

> So okay. Justice to Jaehyungparkian since a lot has been sad about my ending for Cigarette. And I want to give more credit to the artist, Offonoff (Colde and 0channel) and other featuring artists in his 'boy' album.
> 
> This story is still inspired by Offonoff songs from the said album--Cigarette, Dance and Photograph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter  
> Title: Photograph  
> Artist: Offonoff  
> Album: Boy
> 
> Although,the first song was Cigarette (the second is the photograph)

Resting his head on the couch, the young man in front of Younghyun lets out a smoke. He follows the direction of the vapor before looking at nothing in particular--just the light cream ceiling.

The blond hair of the other is covering his eyes but not even a bit bothered by it. He hums the song they made last month as he put the cigarette butt on the ash tray. "You really make great songs, Younghyun," the blond compliments "It's really great to have you in the crew."

It's been almost three years since his _cigarette_ was gone. He stopped making songs for a half year--he wanted to give it up. But the misery and agony sustained the words to be intuned.

When he sang for a gig again for the first time, Colde and his friend, Dean, approached him telling they've been looking for him; wondering why he's not singing at the club he used to work at anymore. Then, they invited him to join their crew, Club Eskimo--a group of singers and rappers; some were local artists who have had already released albums and others were just starting.

"The song really suits your voice, Colde" Younghyun lands him a look "So does your name"

Before Colde could even respond, the door opens and a middle-aged man accompanied by a young girl appear. The blond instantly takes the cigarette butt and squeezes it on the ash tray to put out the flame. The others shake their hands on the air, trying to let the smoke disappear faster, and the producer sprays air freshener to replace the unpleasant smell for the kid. They mumur their apologies and the young girl hastily runs towards Younghyun who just sat up.

"Uncle, I saw a beautiful fish in the crane machine on our way here," she excitingly tells.

The people around look at her with fondness etched on their faces and eyes. They have never seen a child, a girl, who loves fishes as much as she does. Younghyun paints a sweet smile on his face.

"Really?" he shuffles the young girl's hair "Then, shall we go get it?"

The young kid jumps enthusiastically. The father of the child looks at Younghyun apologetically and the latter assures him it's no big deal. The girl is especially affectionate towards him because despite the intimidating front, Younghyun is really a sweet, warmhearted and loving person.

His eyes are darted on the stuffed toy, few minutes after. He gets the fish toy on the fourth try when the child suddenly lets go of the hem of his shirt.

"Haru, don't let go," he exclaims as he glances at the child.

"Uncle Heesu," she points at her left, referring to Colde.

"No," he leans down to speak close to Haru "Uncle Heesu is with your Dad," he gives the toy to the young girl as his eyes follow the direction of where Haru is pointing at and they landed at the back of a lean blond young man.

The figure is so familiar; the slenderness; how he walks; even the feeling that he gets just by looking at him is a sensation that seems to be known by his system for a long time.

_It can't be._

Haru pulls his sleeve causing him to look at her. "Was it not Uncle Heesu?" Younghyun takes another glance and the tall young man is already nowhere to be found. "His hair is covering his eyes. Isn't it Uncle Heesu?"

When they get back at Colde's personal studio, not the studio where they record songs, Haru tells them about the man she saw who looked like the blond singer.

"Is everyone coming to the Music Fest next week?" Sunwoong, the father of Haru; also known as Tablo, confirms everyone's decision before heading home.

Colde jokes about not coming when he's the main singer and everyone else are artists who are only featuring in his songs or have a collaboration with him; except Jiho, known as 0channel, who is the producer of Offonoff--Jiho and Colde's duo.

Haru keeps on whining about wanting to go but Tablo won't allow her. There would be drinking, smoking and dancing--not a child-friendly environment at all.

"I will just wear a mask," she insisted.

When her father declines again, she begins shedding tears. Tablo sighs in surrender.

"Then I think I'll head home right away after I sing."

Younghyun offers to look after the kid when Tablo will be on stage. That's why three days after, Younghyun is being dragged around by the child.

"I saw him, I saw him!" she exclaims.

"Your friend, fish?"

"No, no," she shakes her head "The man who looks like Uncle Heesu," she extends her arm to point at something-- _someone_.

His eyes land on a figure, blond hair covering his vision. Wild smile casted on his face while being pulled towards the crowd.

Younghyun freezes on his spot, not realizing that Haru is not around him anymore. He paces to the people dancing while Haru wanders around the area.

Just in time for the chorus, the tall figure's eyes land on him and the smile on his face starts to fade. His mouth agape.

_I could I could be there for you_  
_I could I could be the one to_  
_I’d be your cigarette_

Miso's (the girl featuring in Colde's song, titled Cigarette, who sang the chorus) voice is loud and clear. The third line of the chorus, strikes his chest like an arrow.

 _"I can be your cigarette."_ As if it was just yesterday, Younghyun hears the other's voice at the back of his mind--loud and clear.

_I would I would be your light and_  
_I would I would shine you brighter_  
_Oh I wish I be your last_

Younghyun strides closer. The buzz-cut guy is being pulled by an acquaintance to dance while the other stays unmoved.

_I could I could be there for you_  
_I could I could be the one to_  
_I’d be your cigarette_

As Miso sings the last part, Younghyun takes his last step. Now, he's just two feet apart from the blond.

" _Younghyun_ ," the lean young man voices.

The black-haired's jaw tightens. His own name feels so strange and unfamiliar coming from the slender guy's mouth. _So it's 'Younghyun' now, huh? Not 'Brian'?_

" _Jaehyung_ ," Younghyun deadpans; eyes darting on the other's.

Jae folds his lips as he hears his first name being voiced by the shorter. _When did it become 'Jaehyung' to you?_

_The sleeping city and your bright pupils_  
_it seems it’ll pour down_  
_after staring for a while_  
_I want to keep everything like this_

They remain still, not moving an inch, as Colde starts singing another song.

_Sing along the song_  
_flowing through the radio_  
_when we share this moment together_  
_it’s as if the world has stopped_

The cold and pacifying voice of the singer caresses both of their hearts but their piercing eyes keep on pinching them. The moment is relaxing but their restrained desires and the memories coming back are stinging.

Neither of them dare to budge. As if they're a photograph, they remain standing as staring at each other's soul. And as if their minds are photo albums of each other's photos, pictures of memories, that seem like they were taken not long ago, play like a motion picture film in their heads.

Younghyun remembers the expression of Jae's eyes every time they'd make love; the smile he'd paint on his face every time he'd crack a joke; that sweet curve his lips would make and the soft countenance of his features every time he'd stare at him; even the sensation of Jae's slender fingers caressing his nape, arm, back or even shaft; the feeling of his lips against his own, all over his body, or wrapped around his erection.

Jae remembers the needy eyes of Younghyun; how he'd wrap his arms around him as he'd sit on the black-haired's lap and how the other would snuggle to his chest like a child wanting comfort; the touch of the fox-eyed lips on his collarbones, Younghyun's favorite, and how he'd always suck it to leave a mark; how the other's eyes falter every time he'd moan 'Brian'.

A lady walks behind Jae causing him to fall forward and collides with Younghyun's body. The beating of their hearts tripled. The taller straightens up instantly but the other is fast enough to grab his hand and pull him back.

Jae's shoulders move up and down. They do not budge for few moments until Jae rests his forehead on the shorter's shoulder. The latter sighs in relief as he shuts his eyes.

_close your eyes take my time_  
_let’s remember this moment_  
_remember this moment_

Colde sings the last chorus; and the words he intunes mirror what they feel. Younghyun's fingers play with Jae's. He starts moving slowly, swaying like other people do, and Jae's body follows.

_slow it down before dawn_  
_everything is everywhere_  
_oh oh oh oh oh oh_

The shorter squeezes his eyes and his forehead creases. He tightens his grip on the other's hand as the prickles on his chest double. He wants to remember this moment--No, he wants to stay in this moment.

_oh oh oh oh oh oh_  
_stay like this, oh yeah_

The fox-eyed knows the song too well to know it's almost ending. His lips quiver as his heart trembles in fear. What if this moment will end when the song does?

_oh yeah, stay like this_  
_if we can meet again_  
_together, tonight_

The music fades and as if on cue, Haru's voice break their contact. Younghyun looks where the voice is coming from and sees Haru being carried by Jiho. Jae walks away without a word and without looking back.

He almost forgot how he used to feel empty until the blond left him and leaves a large void in his heart again.

The black-haired rushes to where Haru is and gets scolded by the producer. "Be thankful I found her, if not you'd see Tablo crying like a mad man"

He says his apologies to Haru before getting her. He kisses the young girl's cheek and promises to bring her to go fishing.

They stride back to their table and Haru clings to his father. Younghyun takes a seat and his sight lands on a masterpiece again--a masterwork that confabulate's with one's soul; imparting melancholy and grief.

His chest tightens as their eyes lock. He does not avert his gaze even if he's talking with someone else. He does not even land a glance when Tablo and Haru bid their goodbyes.

Jae's eye wrinkles, that shows when he smiles so wide while talking to the almost bald guy beside him, send hundreds of needles to Younghyun's chest. The fact that he's not the reason why they're showing hurts and irritates him.

Jealousy creeps as the black-haired's jaw clenches. He grabs Colde's pack of cigars and stands up. He walks out of the place while the other is not looking.

He huffs some air out to lessen the burden on his chest. He traces his mouth with his tongue before biting it. He looks up and release more air. Desperate of being calm, he looks down to the box of cigarette and finally puts a butt between his lips. He fumbles in his pockets for a lighter and realizes he got none.

The door suddenly opens and his head instantly turns to look who will be getting out. The hold of his lips on the cigarette loosens a bit so he takes it in his right hand as he slowly turns his head away.

The other gulps and awkwardly takes more steps before closing the door. He stands two feet away from the door and two feet away from the fox-eyed, too.

"So..." he trails off and clears his throat before looking at the black-haired "you went back to smoking?"

Younghyun presses his lips together forming a thin line. He lets out a breath before glancing back to the taller. "Not really," he pauses and narrows his eyes a bit "Just when I feel a strong need to calm myself."

Their eyes lock again as if having a conversation.

 _Do you need your 'cigarette'?_ Jae wants to voice out, referring to himself.

Younghyun deepens his look. _You're the kind of cigarette that I need._

Jae is the one who breaks the stare. The shorter swallows a lump before shifting his eyes, too. Silence envelops them.

Younghyun puts the cigarette back to his mouth and searches in his pocket again for anything that can light it--although he's sure there's nothing; but maybe--just maybe--there will be something.

The blond notices it and remembers he always carries a lighter with him (even though he's not smoking). He gets it from his back pocket and offers it to the fox-eyed.

Younghyun looks at Jae, then his hand that is holding a rectangular object with a color that reminds him so much of the other; the color that pervades the air when the presence of the blond gives him serenity; the one he sees when he looks at the taller's eyes and they're burning with desire; the tint that is being painted on his heart when the lean young man devours his mouth; the one that surrounds them when trust and security embrace him. Azure.

It's a sky-like colored lighter that has a tape on it with a 'No, BriBri' written on it.

Jae asks himself why the shorter is not taking it from his hand only to realize that it's Younghyun's lighter. He took it from the fox-eyed after two weeks of being his cigarette.

It was during those times that Younghyun was patently letting him see that he'd smoke. Jae knew he was doing it on purpose--that the younger was shy to ask for a kiss.

Jae was making a melody and the black-haired was writing lyrics. Younghyun suddenly stood up, went to the veranda and locked a cigarette butt between his lips. Jae followed and took the lighter that the younger almost used to light the cigar. The taller plants a peck on Younghyun and went back inside the apartment. It was Younghyun's turn to follow him. He put a tape, wrote on it and kept it. He strode towards Younghyun who was already sitting on the couch. He trapped the shorter on the seat, putting his hands on each side, and leaned his face closer. The younger attempted to meet his lips but he pulled his face back to tease him. He smirked and did it again. On the third try, Younghyun became frustrated and pulled his waist that he fell on his lap before the shorter kissed him a little aggressively.

Jae's face heat up from the memory. Younghyun is starting to have a hard-on. Tension invades the air when the door suddenly opens and the buzz-cut guy shows up.


	2. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Younghyun doesn't care about Jae; he doesn't mind if he doesn't sleep alone; he's not hurt by the fact that Jae has a partner. All lies, of course.
> 
> Untold words they've always wanted to say are expressed through their songs. And then game begins--a game where Younghyun loses but Jae is left with a tear-kissed face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! There are flashbacks from time to time so please be mindful of the tenses. It goes from present-past(flashback)-back to present. !!!
> 
> Chapter's Song: Dance (춤) - Offonoff
> 
> Songs used in the chapter  
> These Are The Lies - The Cab  
> I Smile - Day6  
> Dance - Offonoff

Younghyun wets his face before staring at the mirror. As droplets of water fall to the sink, episodes from few hours ago invade his mind.

"Sungjin," Jae uttered after the black-haired hastily took the lighter from his hand and put it in his pocket.

"Oh," his _friend_ gestured a small bow to Younghyun but the latter just looked at him sharply "I was just wondering why you're suddenly gone."

"I just want to get some air, y'know I don't like the smell of cigarette," the taller shrugged.

Sungjin, the buzz-cut young man, eyed the cigarette butt between Younghyun's fingers before nodding to Jae. "I'll stay with you here then."

"No, it's okay," Jae showed a small smile "I'll go back in a while. Just wait for me inside."

Sungjin glanced at the black-haired, who was looking blankly at the parked cars in front of them, again before nodding to Jae and went back inside.

"Sungjin, huh?" Younghyun quizzed after the buzz-cut guy left. "Your new _partner_?" He asked--pertaining to a lover (or an _almost_ lover).

Jae nodded--thinking that he was talking about partner in music.

Younghyun rolled his eyes as his jaw clenched. _He did not even deny it._ He huffed a sharp breath. _Well, I don't care. It's not like we used to be a couple. He was just my cigarette; I was just an obligation to him._

"Well, good for you," he deadpanned which caused the other to furrow his forehead.

Good for Jae, huh? Then why is it that he's dishevelling his hair out of frustration? He washes his face again before marching back to his apartment's living room.

He grabs the lighter, that he got from Jae earlier, on the center table and takes his fourth bottle of beer before going to the veranda. He rests his elbows on the railing after taking a gulp from his bottle. His right thumb traces the tape on the lighter before he flips it to look at the color.

"Azure," he smiles bitterly as another memory flashes on his mind.

"What are you doing?" Younghyun asked the taller after standing beside him at the veranda.

Jaehyung shook his head and gave a tight smile. "Do you ever look at a person and think 'Oh, this color suits him'?" The fox-eyed turned to him with an eyebrow raised. "Like, when you look at me, you think of a color? Because I do."

Their eyes locked for a couple of seconds before they voiced out their thoughts. "Blue," they uttered at the same time which earned chuckles from both of them.

Jae looked at the lighter in his hand before raising it; making the sky as its background.

"They're almost the same," the older smiled as he compared the lighter and the sky before putting down his hand. "Some people may associate blue with melancholy but I see the sky every time I look at you--the sky which makes you want to spread your wings and soar the vast, to be free and to forget everything; the sky that will make you smile, because psychologically speaking, blue makes you feel at ease."

The older turned his head to look at the younger again, who was already looking at him. They stare at each other's eyes for another few moments before Jae painted a small smile.

"Or like the ocean," he continued "your eyes are so deep. Many people are scared of it, but I see the beauty in it. They're afraid of the ocean because there are many mysteries that are still unknown, creatures that are yet to be seen. But I like it because it gives me adventure and thrill. Many people think you're scary, cold and distant--especially because of your eyes," he chortled "but I like them. They give me serenity because the depth of your eyes tells me how sincere you are."

Younghyun beamed and snaked his arms around the taller. The latter laughed softly at the other's response. He liked it every time the black-haired would snuggle to his chest. It made him seem like a child. The older thought that Younghyun has the warmest heart--the _softest_ person.

"Azure," Jae pronounced as he wrapped his arms around the younger to reciprocate his embrace.

"Hm?"

"It's a shade of blue," the older looked up at the sky once more "They said the azure is like the color of the sky on a clear day; beneath it lies the sea painted with hues of azure."

Younghyun clenches his fist with the lighter in his palm. He remembers asking Jae about Sungjin and he did not deny about him bring his partner. His jaw tightens before he guzzles his beer.

 _I don't care_. He huffs as another images in his mind show; the image of Jae's lips wandering around Sungjin's body; the image of Jae's hands caressing the back of Sungjin's head or leaving scratches on his skin from the pleasure. He kicks the railing.

It's not like he owned Jae. It's not like he's been waiting for him to come back. It's not like he can't sleep when the taller is not around nor he is missing him. Definitely not--he tells himself.

But as he hears Jae voicing out his thoughts through a song the next evening, he doesn't bother lying to himself anymore.

' _cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you._  
_Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on._

Younghyun smiles to himself as Jae sings a cover of an English song. The words seem familiar to him. Of course, those are the words he tells to himself, too.

_No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you._  
_Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone_

His tongue traces his lower lip as the older looks straight at him from the stage. Despite his hair covering his eyes, Younghyun knows they're looking at each others' eyes.

_These are the lies that I tell myself at night._  
_These are the lies that are keeping me alive._  
_These are the lies._

Younghyun averts his gaze as the other sings the chorus. Remembering his lies last night, he slugs down a bottle of beer. His eyes keep on glancing at the taller, not minding the other guitarist beside him, and shift them elsewhere when he can't take the pressure on his chest anymore.

_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._  
_Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you._

He brushes a hand on his faces during the bridge. He's losing it.

"You seem uneasy," Miso, the only girl artist in the Club Eskimo Crew, sits beside Younghyun. She offers the cigarette that she just puffed.

Younghyun takes the butt and inhales from it right away. Jae hastily shifts his gaze to somewhere else before he could see the cigarette being put between the younger's lips. Even though the latter did not have direct contact with the lady artist's lips, Jae thinks he still couldn't afford seeing the black-haired's lips having any kind of contact with others.

Sungjin starts singing their original song. Jae fixed his eyes on him, still not ready to look at Younghyun again while the latter turns his head to look at he stage.

Jae faces front again, leans a little forward to come closer to the mic. Younghyun puts his eyes on the taller as he starts singing his part.

_It’s half excitement,_  
_Half fear_  
_Because what if_  
_You notice_  
_That I still miss you?_

The older glances at Younghyun. Seeing the other already looking at him, his heart skips a beat and he avoids eye contact.

 _Do you, Jae?_ Younghyun tries to converse with his eyes. _Do you miss me?_ Unfortunately, the older's sight is darted on the man beside him.

_But today, I smile_  
_Even though it hurts, I smile_

Jae and Sungjin start singing the chorus. Jae looks at Younghyun's table again. Sungjin faces Jae but seeing the latter's focus is on someone else (which he noticed that the older is only looking at one direction, if he's not looking at him), he follows the blond's line of vision and his eyes land on the sharp eyes of Younghyun. He glances back to Jae before facing front and plasters a smile while singing.

_In front of you_  
_I pretend that I’m fine_  
_I pretend that I’m okay_  
_I have to_

Jae lets his smile remain, too, even if he wants to pull Younghyun away from Miso so bad.

An organizer walks to the crew's table and talked to Colde. Younghyun glances in curiosity. Colde is nodding and points his right thumb towards the black-haired which causes the latter to crease his forehead.

"The line up has been changed a little," Miso whispers to Younghyun after one of the members told her what was the discussion about. "A group of artists that are supposed to perform tonight had an emergency so they're asking if it's okay with Colde to perform tonight instead of tomorrow."

Most of the artists are said to perform for two days; only few are performing for one day. Colde is supposed to be on Day 1 and 3. Other artists they know, even the ones that are in their crew, are performing on Day 2 and 4.

Although Club Eskimo is a crew of singers and rappers, a lot of them have their own groups like Tablo, who's originally from Epik High; some are solo artists like Dean and Younghyun himself.

"So, we're singing tonight?" Younghyun quizzes.

Miso shrugs, "You and Colde, yes. Same songs that he's supposed to sing tomorrow. So two solos and one with you."

As if on cue, he hears _Young K_ being pronounced by Colde who's already on the stage. Like other artists, Younghyun got a stage name for himself, too.

 _I knew it._ Jae smiles to himself seeing Younghyun walks toward the stage.

Sungjin, with mouth agape, stares blankly. "He is the Young K?" He asks with disbelief. "The guy you're with last night is Young K?"

The older responds with a shrug, still not taking his eyes away from the black-haired. "I guess so."

But Sungjin knows that the taller is certain about it--he knew right from the start. He knew since the first time Sungjin played a song by this new artist 2 years ago.

Now, Sungjin knows why when the taller heard _'I Would_ ' he jumped out of the couch and asked who the singer was.

Sungjin liked the artist but Jae loved it. "I feel so attached to his music," he reasoned out. But they couldn't find any information about him except that he's from Korea and that he features in some artists' songs.

By this moment, Sungjin knows there's more; there's more to Young K being just an inspiration to Jae to go back to music; there's more as to why the older wanted to go back to Korea so bad.

Younghyun's hand is rested on the mic while he is looking at Colde who's singing. He closes his eyes and feel the cold voice of the artist from time to time. He then started singing with him doing the second voice.

Jae can't contain his smile. It's evident that he's overwhelmed by the fact that Younghyun is indeed Young K; and the fact that he still continued walking on the path of music.

_Late at night i think of you_  
_Baby late at night i think of you_

It's now Younghyun's turn to convey his feelings through a song. His fox-like eyes pierce on the tiny eyes of Jae.

_Late at night i think of you_  
_Baby late at night i think of you_

Younghyun closes his eyes, pulling the mic away from him, as he let Colde narrates his sentiments.

_Killing me softly_  
_When I feels so lonely_

He breathes in as he remembers how he struggles every night to fall asleep and not to think of the older but his mind loves the image of Jae.

_Let me love you baby_  
_You are so lovely_

With a glint of pain on Sungjin's eyes, he shifts his eyes on the stage. " _Azi_ ," he deadpans causing the taller to face him. "He's Azi," He plasters a small painful smile.

Who would have thought that the artist Sungjin liked and has introduced to the person he likes is the same person that is the reason for his pain?

He knew that Jae wanted to go back to Korea to find this Azi guy through music. The older has told him about his _almost lover_ ; how they pursued music together forgetting everything else until Jae had to leave. The latter was hopeful that he'd have a place--a person--to come back to when he came back to music again.

"It's from azure. It's a color," Jae beams. "His name is Younghyun."

Sungjin lets out a breath trying to lessen the burden on his chest. He already knew that the other has his heart taken already but he was still hopeful. Now that he's seeing the one who has Jae's heart, he doesn't know if he'll continue to hope or not.

He was ecstatic to know someone who loves music as much as he does; they both play the guitar. Their parents want them to study medicine but their hearts belong to the notes on musical sheets. That's why when Jae decided to come back to his old path, Sungjin was encouraged to pursue music, too, and leave the medicine path.

When other artists perform upbeat music, the people swaying and moving slow along the other artist songs before are now grooving and jumping. The quantity becomes double.

Miso nudges Younghyun to go with her and groove along with others. The black-haired doesn't want to but Miso locks her arm with his and drag him to the crowd.

Jae sharpens his eyes to them. His forehead furrows as Sungjin taps his shoulder.

"Let's dance?" before the taller could even decline, Sungjin grabs his arm and pulls him toward the people grooving, too.

Sungjin stops beside the lady artist and Young K. He starts dancing, moving closer to Jae, while Young K gathers every ounce of self-control to curb himself from pushing the buzz-cut fellow away from the blond.

And so, the Let's Make Each Other Jealous game commences. Jae is oblivious but Sungjin is doing the job for him. Younghyun rests his hand on Miso's waist that causes Jae to avert his gaze. Sungjin holds the blond's hands and motions him to move with him.

It goes on for a couple of minutes until Younghyun loses it when he sees Sungjin being so close to Jae. The buzz-cut young man is whispering to the taller to move closer to him but Younghyun thinks he was kissing the neck of the older.

The black-haired hastily pulls Sungjin, grabs Jae by the wrist and drags him out from the venue to the back alley. Seeing that there are few people smoking pot, he proceeds to the parking lot.

His grip on the older's wrist is tight that the latter winces as he is being dragged. Younghyun pulls Jae at the side of his car, making the taller lean on it before crashing his lips unto the other's. Out of surprise, Jae pushes him away.

Younghyun breathes heavily as he stares deeply at the older. He forces himself again, trying to collide their lips. He bites the lower lip of the blond, trying to convey his aggravation, causing him to gasp. The black-haired uses that as a chance to kiss him more as he cups the face of the other.

This is not the reunion that Jae has hoped for. This is not the kind of a welcome-back-kiss he's been longing for. Feeling Younghyun's pain and vexation, a tear escapes from Jae's eye. He wonders how much the younger longed for him, how much he felt lost and alone.

Younghyun becomes startled as the tear reaches his hand that is holding the older's face. He cusses to himself as he pulls away and lets down his hands. He remembers Sungjin. What is he doing? Why is he kissing someone else's man?

The younger looks away while the older casts his face down. Younghyun leans on his car beside the older.

"Sorry," he says almost whisper.

The taller wants to shake his head to tell him he doesn't need to apologize but he's the one who needs to say it. He wants to enclose the younger in his arms and kiss him again--but this time, slower and intimate. He wants to convey his yearning to the younger and the untold love he has kept for years through the collision of their mouths but the black-haired is already walking away from the older leaving him with tear-kissed face and his should-have-been's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I included The Cab because Shoot Me is giving me The Cab vibes. Shoot Me's bridge sounds so much like the bridge of The Cab's Temporary Bliss.
> 
> Fight me on twitter @kohiiby  
> Or cc : daelisix  
> -  
> Next chapter - reason why Jae left  
> Appearance of some got7 members
> 
> Last chapter? Maybe. Maybe not. Idk.


	3. Killing Me Softly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was expecting for Younghyun to be furious but he's doing otherwise. He prepared himself for everything the younger would throw at him, such as hurtful words and despiteful attitude, but he enclosed him in his arms and showered him with sweet kisses instead. It's become more painful for him but also painful in a good way. It pains him because he feels like he doesn't deserve this kind of affection towards the younger but Younghyun is enveloping his heart with warmth and assurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!! I'VE BEEN WANTING TO FINISH THIS AND YAAY HERE IT IS  
> i hope you guys will love this last chapter as much as I do.  
> \---
> 
> Song for this chapter:  
> 1:31am by 2jae (Got7 Jaebum & Youngjae)
> 
> Songs used for this chapter  
> Rainy - Got7 Jaebum  
> 1:31am - 2jae
> 
> IM TOO SLEEPY TO PROOFREAD. PLEASE EXCUSE THE MISTAKES.

"You're here," Sungjin says while panting when he sees Jae lying on the couch of his house.

"I'm sorry I left without telling you."

"No," Sungjin takes a seat "You were dragged by that Young K anyway. That guy has been shooting daggers on me since last night. I didn't know that Young K could be one intimidating guy."

Jae smiles a little. "He's the softest guy I know," he utters as he shifts his position.

Younghyun, on the other hand, can't even lie down. He pulls his hair as he asks himself again for the nth time about why he dragged Jae to the parking lot and attack his mouth aggressively.

He can still feel the sensation of the older's tear on his hand and he remembers clearly how his heart dropped when he realized Jae shed a tear.

Tonight is one of those nights again--one of those nights wherein he can't sleep because he's filled with thoughts of the older.

 _Late at night I think of you_  
_Baby, late at night I think of you._

He remembers how he intuned those words while staring at the depth of Jae's eyes piercing on his. He huffs a breath and closes his eyes, leaning his head on the couch, as he recalls what happened tonight once more.

Feeling frustrated, he stands up and gets a cigarette stick and put it between his lips. With the lighter just an inch away from it, image of Jae appears on his mind again.

He hastily takes the butt away and runs his other hand through his hair. As more images of the former silver-haired lanky man appear in his mind, he gets the pack of cigarettes and crushes it. He walks towards his room and opens the upper drawer beside his bed to get another pack and squuezes it, too, before throwing both of the cigarette boxes.

He slumps on the couch, head resting on it, and stares at the ceiling, biting his lip. He rests the back of his right palm on his forehead as he shuts his eyes. He's craving for a cigarette.

It's driving him crazy. He knows he must stop smoking already that's why he threw all the cigarettes he had. But he's craving for more than just a smoke filling his mouth just to let it out. He's craving more for the kind of cigarette that doesn't just go between his mouth but the one that goes all over it. He hungers for Jae's lips crashing his.

It's not the harmful materials in a cylindrical roll that's killing him but the absence of Jae, the loneliness that engulfs him.

Younghyun is waken up by the constant hammering on his door the next morning. He squeezes his eyes before opening it. He groans as he gets up before pacing towards the door.

"What happened last night? You just stormed out and left me," the pink-haired lady artist complains, earning a groan from the young man. "Dude, it's already lunch time," Miso pushes Younghyun to enter the apartment. She drops her bag before flopping herself on the couch. "Want me to cook for you?"

The young man yawn in response as he sleepily walks toward the couch just to lie down again. The lady singer shakes her head and clicks her tongue before heading to the kitchen.

Younghyun lets out a soft groan two hours after as he is being dragged by Miso to the café he and Jae used to often.

Younghyun didn't change many things: his number, his address, and the place he always goes to (the café, the library, the ramen place, every place that he used to always go to with Jae). He was hoping that Jae would see him in those places when he comes back or call his number when the older misses him. But none of those happened. Now that Jae is back, he still hasn't called Younghyun nor went to his apartment.

He sighs as he realizes where they are headed to. With Miso's arm crossed with his, they enter the café together, a pair of eyes following them. As Younghyun scans the area, he catches a blond lanky young man looking at him. It's no other than Jae.

Remembering how the blond shed tears as they kissed last night, he averts his gaze and put a hand on Miso's shoulder. The latter eyes the hand rested on her before glancing to its owner. On the other hand, Jae's jaw clenches in irritation.

 _How dare he kiss me last night like he's been longing for me but is with another girl the next day?_ The blond's forehead furrows before he turns to look at the cup in front of him and takes a sip. _On top of that, he's with the girl on our usual café. What are they anyway?_

Miso lets out a breath before taking another step closer to the counter. She doesn't want to keep her hopes up; she will not. She knows that the black-haired is in love with someone, and has been writing and singing songs for that someone.

"You're still going to the MuFest later?" the young lady asks as they wait in line.

Younghyun lands a glance on her and thinks about the blond. "Probably. You?"

She shrugs. "Maybe I'll pass since my part is done. I'll go on Friday though because Dean and Epik High are included in the line up."

The mention of Epik High, Tablo's group, makes him think of Haru and makes him feel guilty about not paying enough attention to the kid few days before because he was preoccupied by the presence of the slender guy, who is once again looking at them right now.

He sighs as he realizes his mind went back to thinking about him again.

"Hello?" Younghyun eyes the pink-haired beside him who now has her phone against her ear. She mouths 'order for me' at him before responding to the person who called. The black-haired nods and as if on cue, the person in front of them just finished ordering. "Now? Alright. Alright," he hears the young lady answers the phone.

They take a seat after Younghyun paid for their drinks.

"I need to go after we get our drink," Miso voices. Younghyun just raises a brow. "I didn't know we have practice today," she sighs.

"Don't mind me," Younghyun deadpans. "You're having a comeback soon?"

"Yeah. We're preparing for it."

Younghyun just nods again before getting their drink. As soon as he gets back on their table, Miso stands up and gets her drink before planting a kiss on Younghyun's cheek. The latter isn't surprised, as if it's a normal thing for them. The owner of the eyes looking at them clenches his fist as his jaw also tightens. His eyes follow Miso who's walking towards the café's door.

Younghyun sighs before sipping from his americano. His lips protrude a little because of the bitter taste; not because it is an americano but because of the bitter taste of the memory. The usual place, the usual drink. And the usual person he used to be with is also around but not just with him. He couldn't snuggle close to the taller anymore after sipping from his coffee nor give him a peck for no reason before resting his head on the older's shoulder. He wouldn't be able to hear the slender's adorable chuckles every time he does those things nor feel his arms snake around his waist.

Jae stands up out of anger after seeing Miso leave the place. He marches towards the younger as he sees him sips his iced americano. As he halts in front of Younghyun, the black-haired looks at him with a little bit of surprise etched on his face. The latter look around first before looking back at Jae. The older takes the seat across Younghyun which makes the younger furrows his forehead.

"Why are you here?" he asks in his deep voice.

Jae's eyes twitches as he hears it. His chest tingles as if reminding Jae how much he loves hearing that deep voice of the younger. But his mind reminds him that he's mad right now.

"I'm leaving," Younghyun moves to stand up but is taken aback by Jae's sudden question.

"Are you two together?"

With a creased forehead, Younghyun stares at the older. He sees a glint of hope in his eyes. He raises a brow. "What's it with you?" he responds with a tight jaw. It makes him angry. Jae has Sungjin, so why should it matter, right? Why would he ask?

Jae huffs. "What's it with me?" he chortles sarcastically. "After you dragged me and kissed me aggressively last night, what's it with me?"

Younghyun slams a hand on the table. "Look," he composes himself, "I'm sorry, okay? I know it should have not happened especially if one of us already has a lover. I mean, even if there's none, it doesn't matter, right? It shouldn't just have happened. I'm sorry. That won't happen again," he says without blinking before grabbing his drink and starts to walk to exit the place.

Younghyun remembers the feeling of Jae's tear dropping on his hand. The older must have felt so bad for being kissed, and responding to it, when he already has Sungjin. Jae, on the other hand, thinks that Younghyun just confirmed he has a lover--that he and Miso are really together.

Jae exhales a sharp breath before standing up. Fuming, he marches out to follow the younger.

Younghyun is about to open his car's door when slender fingers hastily grab his left arm and make him lean on his car. Jae rests his hand on the automobile, trapping the younger in between.

The black-haired's eyes widen while the older's are sharply piercing through them. Before Jae can stop himself, he forcefully crashes his lips to the younger's. The latter does not move an inch. Jae waits for a response but Younghyun stays still before pushing the older away.

Jae feels a pang on his chest seeing Younghyun's face inscribed with disgust. _Is he that disgusted of me?_ _Because I'm trying to force myself to someone who already has someone else?_ Jae bites his lip to restrain it from quivering in pain.

Younghyun grimaces. He's grossed out by himself for doing the same mistake again--letting their lips meet when the older already has Sungjin in his life.

The black-haired sighs before entering his car and speeds away, leaving Jae behind with weak knees and clenched fists.

"Hey dude!" Mark, one of Younghyun's friends in the industry, exclaims upon seeing him walking towards them. "Glad you could make it," he voices before engulfing Younghyun into a brotherly hug.

Mark reminds him a lot of Jae. He's from Los Angeles, he plays basketball and video games, he also used to have a silver hair (he now has a brown hair), and he's a little bit introverted but really fun to be with once you get to know him.

"Jackson," Younghyun shrugs and Mark chuckles, knowing exactly what he means.

Younghyun didn't really want to come back to the MuFest especially after what happened few hours ago but Jackson, Mark's best friend, bugged him a lot saying he needed to be here. Now, he's just silently wishing Jae's not around. But who is he fooling again? Every inch of him seeks Jae.

"Yeah, that," Mark hands the other bottle of beer to Younghyun before continuing and the latter takes it, knowing that the other gets red after one drink, "we want to thank you personally for taking JB & Youngjae's slot yesterday."

 _So they were the ones who got an emergency yesterday?_ "Oh no, not me. You should say that to Heesu."

"Yeah, we already thanked him this morning. Anyway, I didn't see your name in the line up," the brown-haired looks at the younger with curiosity. "You're not performing? I mean, even if you're not performing solo, your name should still be in it, right? You sang with Colde."

"You know me, Mark," the black-haired takes a gulp from his drink, "I don't really want people to know that Kang Younghyun is Young K. You know I've declined a lot of invitations to perform in public, right?"

"Yeah, but this is public. You sang  _Dance_ with Colde last night in public. So what's the matter?" Younghyun just shakes his head in response as Mark exhales a not-so-sharp breath, "But you know, it really amazes me how your songs boomed without you singing publicly to promote them. Maybe it's one of the reasons why people are also more drawn into you. I mean, your songs are masterpieces, dude. But you being so mysterious, I think that's a factor. People would want to know more about the person behind those obra maestra."

Younghyun just chortles. If he has been more honest, it's because he feels empty performing in public without Jae beside him. The crew silently begged him with their eyes for him to sing Dance. They didn't want to force him but Younghyun knew how much they wanted him to agree. And when MuFest started, and Jae was there, it made him more than willing to sing. Forget not wanting to sing in public, forget not being able to sing together with Jae because he was there--he was there staring straight at him.

"What happened anyway?" Younghyun changes the subject. He shall not think about Jae, shall he?

"Jaebum's back was in pain again so we had to have it checked," Mark tilts his head a bit, peeking on what's behind Younghyun. His eyes light up before looking back at the black-haired. "I want to introduce you to someone. He's my friend from L.A. and his an amazing guitarist."

The younger's chest throbs in nervousness upon hearing 'L.A.' and 'guitarist'. It can't be _him_ , right? There are a lot of people from Los Angeles that are now in Korea who can play the guitar very well. But the moment Mark calls out his friend's name, Younghyun's knees weaken, his heartbeat tripled, and he just wants to shrink and hide in someone's pocket.

"Hey, Jae," Mark shouts, making the younger stiffen from his post. "Yo, come here. I gotta let you meet this amazing artist."

As soon as Jae halts beside Mark and faces the fox-eyed, the latter can't take his eyes off the older while the other widens his eyes feeling stupefy. The blond averts his gaze and swallows the lump forming in his throat.

"This is Jae Park, one of my game buddies in L.A." Mark introduces, resting his left hand on Jae's shoulder, "He belongs in a duo with another Park. They both sing and play guitar. I think it would be nice if you could do a collab in the near future." The brown-haired extends his arm a bit, pointing the bottle at Younghyun, "and this is Younghyun, English name is Brian, but he goes with Young K."

By the mention of 'Brian', Jae instantly darts his eyes on the black-haired with his jaw clenched. _So other people call you 'Brian', huh?_ He feels irritated and remembering the disgust etched on the younger's face after their kiss doesn't help but it only adds fuel to his aggravation.

Mark is just standing there with a smile, waiting for the two to shake hands or acknowledge one another, but they just stared at each other sharply and coldly.

The brown-haired gulps as his smile slowly fades. "So, uhh," his eyes shift from Jae to Younghyun and then back to the blond, "he's the one I told you about--one of the most talented people I know. He wrote one of our songs, too."

Jae finally nods before turning to Mark, "I'm sorry but may I sit? I feel a bit dizzy." As soon as the other nods, Jae doesn't delay, he immediately turns his back to head to where Mark's other friends are.

"I'm sorry, Youngyun." Jae flashes a tight smile "Jae's just... Kind of awkward towards people he just met. But I swear he's a nice and a fun guy."

Younghyun nods. "Tell me more about him."

So Mark does. He moves closer to the circular high-table and starts telling the younger how he met Jae and how they became friends, how they would spend a day just playing video games and how would one rush if the other called to play ball, how they would meet at 3am just to grab some McDonald's and ride a skateboard. But Younghyun doesn't want to hear any of those. He wants something more personal.

Mark's eyebrows raise, not sure of what the younger wants. The latter sighs as he fishes his wallet from his back pocket. He takes a rectangular paper-like thing and tosses it on the circular table.

It's a photograph. A photograph of Younghyun leaning his head on Jae while the older's arms were wrapped around the younger's bust with sweet beams incised on their faces.

Mark's mouth gapes and his eyebrows raise more. "But you're--," his eyebrows furrow in confusion. Younghyun knows what he means. He's straight--he thought he was.

The black-haired takes another photo out and puts it on the surface. It's a picture of him and Jae on the stage of the bar they used to work at.

It then hit Mark. Jae is the reason why Young K exists and Younghyun is being concealed. And Younghyun was the reason why Jae wanted to go back to music with hope that he'd cross path with the person he left--that he'd be able to finally start something he ended before it even began; to make things right.

The brown-haired glances at Jae, who's talking with his best friend, over his shoulder and looks back to Younghyun, who's darting his eyes deeply on him. Mark sighs and rests his hand on the table while folding his lips, thinking what he'll do.

"But Bro, it's not really my story to tell."

Younghyun inhales deeply before placing back his stare at Mark firmly. "Please. I need to know." Seeing a hint of hesitation from the other's eyes, Younghyun holds the edge of the table with both hands. "Three f*cking years, Mark. Why do you think I hid my identity? I gambled! I was hoping that, eventually, my songs will find their way to him and he'd come back to find me, or to at least find out who that f*cking Young K is. I dragged myself back in this path with hope that it'd bring me back to him. I need to know why he left. I need to know what I was, what we were. If I'm more than just a past time or obligation," his eyes flutter as he lick his lower lip. He swallows a lump before speaking again with a voice that is almost whisper, "if he loved me because I did," his voice cracks, "and I still do--so f*cking much."

Mark massages his temple before running a hand through his hair. He's contemplating about it. There's desperation in Younhyun's eyes and voice. Jae is also an open book. He doesn't actually mind people knowing about his past. Every friend of his knows he was bullied when he was younger, they know about his insecurities and inferiorities. Even the most personal phenomena that happened to him two years ago, he's not so secretive about it. But still, Mark thinks he doesn't really have the right to say it.

"And don't tell me to ask him because he will not tell me about it," Younghyun clenches his jaw and Mark sighs as if the former just read his mind. "Mark," he demands.

Mark shifts his eyes and they accidentally land on the sight of Jaebum and Youngjae, his friends, who are whispering to each other with sweet smiles on their faces and shining eyes. Youngjae's hand on Jaebum's lap, and the latter's face screams love as he's focused on the younger. Mark remembers how he went in between the two. If he had not, will he be able to see this sight? Will these two be this happy and know how madly and deeply they are in love with each other? He slowly turns his eyes back to Younghyun. He thinks that maybe the black-haired and the blond just need a little push. Maybe if Mark gets involve a little bit, just by telling what happened to Jae, Younghyun will step on his pride, man up and initiates everything. He doesn't know why Jae hasn't done anything yet when he knows how much he loves the younger, whom his friends knew as _Azi_. His drunken nights were filled with stories about this guy whom he made music with, whom he helped curing his cigarette addiction; how he offered himself to be the cigarette as excuse to see the younger more and be with him; how he's afraid to cross the line because it might ruin everything they had; his what if's that still keep him hanging; how the younger literally saved him even if he was miles away.

"His mother attempted suicide," Mark huffs and squeezes his eyes, can't believe what he just voiced. Younghyun's countenance softens. "She felt like she was alone after Jae's father died from lung cancer. Jae blamed himself for it because he had not been coming home since the night he decided to pursue music with you. Every time he wasn't sleeping at your place, he was staying at another friend's house. When he knew the reason of his mother's attempt, he decided to stay beside her and change path. He agreed to study medicine but to be able to do that, he'd need to come to L.A. with his mother. The last night you spent together," Mark looks down and slowly lets out a breath, "that was the night before his flight."

Younghyun clutches his fists and bites his lip. He eyes Jae who's still talking with Jackson while Mark's eyes are back on him.

"He could've just--"

"It's not just that," Mark cuts him off, "that night, he wanted to tell you everything about what he felt towards you. He was too afraid to voice them out--what if you don't feel the same or what if you do? He was afraid that he might not be able to leave if he had told you."

They are both interrupted by the sound of the mic's feedback. The host pronounces her apology before telling everyone to let their heads have a break from the headbangers and let their hearts be in charge. She then calls for another artist. Younghyun puts his attention back to Mark as the piano starts playing. It's the start for slow, heartrending songs.

"What else?"

Mark exhales a sharp breath with eyebrows raised before straightening up. "He used to wear long-sleeved shirts, sweaters, and hoodies to cover his scars." Younghyun's forehead furrows. "He self-harmed. He attempted taking his life, too. He used to have a lot of visible scars on his forearms. Some already faded, some remained but it's not that obvious unless someone points it out. But the scar on his stomach when he stabbed himself is still there."

Younghyun is out of words. He brushes his face by his hand before cupping it. "B-but why?" his voice quivers.

"His mother lost her mind and there were many other attempts when they moved back to L.A. He was helpless. He was stressed, and pressured. Medicine isn't the path he wants, right? He felt like he was walking on a road full of burning charcoal."

The black-haired chugs the bottle in front of him before glancing to the stage where Jaebum is now standing. As Jaebum starts singing, Jae shifts his gaze to Younghyun, who looks so serious and bothered. _I wonder what they're talking about._ He sighs before looking back at the stage.

_I don't know why I can't let you go, oh baby_

Jae whips his head back towards the stage when the singer starts singing the chorus. _F*ck!_ He squeezes his eyes shut. _Yeah, I'm supposed to let him go, right?_ The image of Miso kissing Younghyun on the cheek and the latter's disgusted face when he kissed him flash on his mind. _Yeah, right._

 _I don't know why I can't forget you_  
_Your way of talking, even each and every way of your expression_  
_That's left for me_  
_I can't throw them away easily_  
_It's raining again_

Younghyun is still trying to absorb everything when Mark speaks again. "He tried to put up with it--for his mother's sake. Fortunately, he met Sungjin," the younger's jaw tightens upon hearing the name, "they found a common ground: music. They're both Koreans studying medicine in Los Angeles for their parents. And it's funny how they're both Park's."

Younghyun rolls his eyes and huffs. "No wonder why they're together now, huh?"

Mark puts his left hand in his pocket and nods a little. "It's a great thing. Sungjin helped Jae a lot in keeping him sane and grounded. He was also a big factor of why Jae stopped harming himself and how he found you."

"F*ck that!" Younghyun snaps which makes Mark raise his brows in surprise. "Then what is he doing here?!"

Mark tilts his head with a creased forehead, feeling confused. "To find you."

"Why would he find me if he already has Sungjin?"

"Calm down, Brian."

"Don't! Don't call me Brian," Younghyun utters with gritted teeth. "Don't you ever dare call me by that name again."

"I said calm the f*cking down, Kang Younghyun." Mark inhales as he rests his hands on his waist. "I think you're misunderstanding something here, boy. They're not together like that. They both came back in Korea for music because they're both members of the Park Bros duo. That's what, Mr. Kang f*cking 'Young K' Younghyun. So if you could please stop being stubborn, I'd appreciate that."

The younger utters his apologies and tells Mark to go on. The latter breathes in before speaking again.

"Jae's mother underwent therapy. She got better." Younghyun nods, feeling relieved as Mark exhales. "Jaebum and others went to L.A. to visit me, and small world, he's a friend of Sungjin. So JB made him listen to your songs and then Sungjin made Jae listen to it. So don't be a douche towards the guy because if it had not be for him, you won't be seeing Jae right there," Mark says matter-of-factly as he motions his head to where Jae is seated.

Younghyun glances at the blond, whose eyes are already on him. The momen their eyes meet, Jae looks down before putting his eyes back to Jaebum, who's now singing the chorus again.

"We thought that Jae just instantly got hooked with your music because he just love them so much; the songs literally saved him. You saved him. His eyes lit up when he heard your songs. He seemed like he just came back to life; he was like a messy sketch turned into a beautiful colored painting. And since his mom get better, she saw it. She encouraged Jae to go back to the path where he really belongs. But Jae was hesitant. He didn't want to leave her because what if she'd lose it again if he left? So he stayed for a couple more months until one of her aunts moved to L.A. to look after his mother. He was once again encouraged by his mom and was assured she'd be fine and when Colde's album was released and you sang Dance with him, and there's also Cigarette in the album, that's when he felt like he really needed to come back to find this _Azi_ guy he always told us about, who turns out to be you, and tell him--"

Younghyun narrows his eyes on Mark when the brown-haired trails off. "Tell me what?"

"--everything he needs to tell you. I think I told you more than enough, Hyunnie. The rest lies on you and Jae," Mark pats his shoulder and turns his head before pointing at the stage where Youngjae is coming up on.

Younghyun follows as he exhales and dishevels his hair. As he looks up, he sees how the two artists on stage look at each other. Their eyes are conversing, telling each other their affection, before Youngjae sits down and places his hand on the piano. Jaebum nods and the younger starts playing.

 _I still can't believe it_  
_That when I open my eyes you aren not next to me_

Younghyun's eyes flutter because of the first lines that was intuned by Youngjae. He feels his chest tightens and as if hundreds of needles are pricking on his heart. He remembers the morning after the last night he spent with Jae and the next mornings that came after. He felt like he was going crazy not knowing where to find the older.

 _It's difficult because memories from back then are back in my head_  
_And even if I empty out all those memories_

Jae's head drops as he thinks about how miserable the younger must have been when he left. He bites his lip and clutches his fists as he thinks how hurt Younghyun was.

 _I am always drowned in thought of you_  
_I cry and get exhausted, but I look for traces of you again_

Younghyun looks up and huffs as Jaebum sings. He is being reminded of those sleepless nights he spent just thinking about Jae; all the days he consumed going to places where Jae could be.

 _You have to be well and don't get sick_  
_The way you smile, don't ever lose that_

Both of them think about each other's smile as Youngjae sings his part. They smile bitterly to themselves.

 _And if things ever get hard_  
_You can come back to me again_

When it's Jaebum's turn again, Younghyun looks up upon hearing his line. He shifts his gaze to Jae, who meets his eyes. It must have been tough. Younghyun tries to convey.

 _Can I come back?_ Jae wants to ask. _Huh! Of course not, right?_

Younghyun holds their stare. _Come back to me._ He wants to say badly.

 _I'm always in this place_  
_And I won't leave you_

  
Mark glances at the black-haired and sees him focused on something. When he looks at the other side, Jae is staring back at the younger. Mark sighs and pats Younghyun's shoulder causing the stare to break. He motions his head to Jae and Younghyun's eyes drop.

_I always wait for you_

"Go," Mark demands.

Younghyun inhales and looks up the brown-haired, "Thanks, man. I owe you big time."

The black-haired starts marching his way towards the older, whose eyes are now on the two artists on stage. When the older feels someone sits beside him, he hastily turns his head and his breathing hitches. Younghyun is looking at Jaebum but his focus is on his peripheral vision--Jae. The older gulps before looking back at the stage.

When Yugyeom, the youngest but the tallest among Mark's friends, turns his head and sees Younghyun, he immediately greets him. The others follow. When they introduce Jae to him he answers them that they already know each other.

"Let's catch up later, hyung" Yugyeom states before fixing his eyes back on Jaebum and Youngjae.

Younghyun nods and as soon as he sees all eyes are focused on the artists, he gathers the courage to make a move.

 _And if things ever get hard_  
_You can come back to me again_  
_I'm always in this place_

When Jaebum sings that line again, Younghyun softly puts his hand on Jae's. The latter is startled. He looks at the younger's hand on top of his, expecting him to move it away and say sorry because it's another mistake, but the black-haired intertwines his fingers with his instead.

The artists start singing the bridge and they remain staring at each other, waiting who'll be the first one to speak. Mark smiles from the distance.

_I again believe that you'll come back to me, why_

When Youngjae sings the last line of the bridge, Younghyun encourages himself to man up.

 _Please come back to me no matter how long it takes_  
_Come back to me, I don't want to let you go_

Jaebum's lines push him more.

"Come with me?" the younger pronounces. His throat becomes dry and his knees weakens. He is filled with anticipation and anxiousness.

Jae folds his lips together, trying to stop them from shaking, before he nods. Younghyun heaves a sigh of relief before he tightens his hold. The older keeps on fighting with himself saying he's not supposed to be but he can't help it. Seeing their hands locked as Younghyun leads the way out, he just lets himself be pulled by the younger.

The whole drive to Younghyun's apartment is filled with nothing but clearing of throats, sounds of engines they pass by and honking of horns.

"Water?" the first word Younghyun has uttered after leaving MuFest.

Jae clears his throat for the nth time before taking a seat. The younger gets a glass right away. The older's eyes wander around the apartment. Nothing much has changed--nothing really changed. It feels like he only left yesterday.

Younghyun slowly puts down the glass of water on the coffee table. "May I?" he points at the space beside Jae despite of many other available spaces to sit on.

"Of--of course."

The fox-eyed rubs both of his hands on his lap and sits carefully but a little too close. The older takes a gulp before reaching for the glass and drink from it.

Younghyun clenches his fist before throwing himself into Jae. The latter tenses and is taken aback by the younger's sudden action. The black-haired drapes his arms around the blond's waist, enclosing him tightly.

"I missed you," Younghyun voices a muffled confession.

Jae doesn't know exactly what happened, why the younger acts this way but it doesn't matter now. What he cares about in this moment is Younghyun embracing him. He relaxes himself and snakes his arms around the younger's body. This is one of the things he loves the most: when Younghyun cuddles with him that is making him seem small in his arms; when the younger seems like a poor little child craving for affection and attention.

"Mhm," Jae plants a soft kiss on the black-haired's head, "too damn much."

The black-haired smiles softly and snuggles closer. The blond beams to himself, too, and rests his chin on the younger's head. Younghyun hums in satisfaction before looking up to the older. When the latter drops his gaze on the younger's lips, Younghyun leans forward and plants a soft peck. Seeing that the older closes his eyes, he lets their lips meet again and dance to the rhythm of their heartbeats.

The kiss is slow and soft as if they're being careful not to break one another. Jae clenches the younger's shirt, feeling overwhelmed by his desires.

"Brian," the older pronounces breathily with a little raspy voice making Younghyun's length twitch.

"F*ck," Younghyun cusses under his breath. One word is all it takes to lose his control. And hearing Jae call him Brian for the first time in three years, with that almost husky voice he has always loved, turns him on more than he expected.

Younghyun grabs the older's waist as he attacks his lips again--this time, with more eagerness. Jae's arms move up and settles on Brian's shoulders, one hand caressing the back and the other grabbing the younger's hair. Younghyun stands up, still holding the older in his arms, trying not to break the kiss but they almost lost their balance and Jae can only smile without their lips parting.

They start walking towards Younghyun's bedroom but the younger's butt bumps into the armrest of the single-seater couch. Jae chortles causing their contact to break. Younghyun shakes his head while smiling foolishly.

The younger takes the left hand of the other as they both pause just to look at each other and smile like idiots. They both chuckle before Younghyun starts walking towards his room, still holding Jae's hand, as the older follows.

When Jae sits on the bed, the black-haired starts showering him with kisses on the face making him melt in the younger's arm. Younghyun gives him a quick peck before motioning him to move further so Jae settles himself, his lower back touching the bedrest.

Younghyun pulls away and fixes his eyes on the older. The latter raises a brow in question seeing the younger's countenance softens and giving an expression he can't give a name to. He wants to lean closer and kiss the black-haired again but he curbs himself from doing so and remains still. The fox-eyed caresses the blond's shoulders with his thumb before sliding his hands down to Jae's forearms. Mark was right. The scars were healed and most of them faded but there are some that hasn't but aren't evident enough for people to notice unless they know about them. He brushes his thumb on the older's skin making him widen his eyes a bit and his heartbeat doubles.

Does he know? Jae tenses and gulps while looking at the younger. Younghyun leans down and plants soft kisses on the older's forearm earning a soft gasp from him. He knows. Jae's throat becomes dry, his chin quivers, and tears start to gather. As the younger continues kissing his slender forearms, the older's chest tightens and the tears that gathered begin to fall.

"How did you know?" Jae queries with a broken tone.

Younghyun looks up to the blond, still caressing his skin; his eyes are shining and his pupils are dilated. "It doesn't matter. What's important is I'm here with you now."

Jae huffs as he averts his eyes, blinking hastily causing another tears to fall. The way Brian looks at him is full of security and care. He feels like the younger's eyes are holding him with utmost care as if he's the most delicate and fragile thing in the world.

He casts his face down as his shoulders move heavily when he can't resist the tears any longer. "Why--" he sniffs "why aren't you mad?" He was expecting for Younghyun to be furious but he's doing otherwise. He prepared himself for everything the younger would throw at him, such as hurtful words and despiteful attitude, but he enclosed him in his arms and showered him with sweet kisses instead. It's become more painful for him but also painful in a good way. It pains him because he feels like he doesn't deserve this kind of affection towards the younger but Younghyun is enveloping his heart with warmth and assurance.

"I'm mad," Brian utters as he intertwines his fingers with the Jae's. "I'm mad at myself for letting you went through all those things alone." Jae sniffs making the younger move closer to him and encage him in his arms. "Don't ever leave again."

Jae nods between the younger's arms making him smile in certainty. Younghyun kisses Jae's head before pulling away from the hug causing Jae's chest to tighten but it melts when the younger starts lavishing his face with gentle kisses again.

Younghyun softly puts his lips on Jae's cheek, where there are traces of tears, as if trying to kiss away the pain. He does the same thing on the other side before kissing him on the chin, then on the forehead, next on the nose. He cups the older's face and stare straight on his eyes making Jae part his lips. They try to talk with each other for three seconds using their eyes and they definitely feel what they want to tell to each other. Younghyun gives Jae a peck before finally voicing it out.

"I love you."

Jae feels like breaking into tears again. He tries to look down but Younghyun's hands cupping his face are making him not to. The younger motions him to look back. Brian tilts his head and leans a little bit closer, trying to meet the older's gaze. Jae slowly closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he beams softly.

"Me, too."

"Say it," Brian demands.

"I love you," Jae pronounces while staring to Younghyun's eyes. "I love you, Brian."

The younger raises a brow and smirks, "Who's Brian?"

Jae can't help but chuckle and pushes the fox-eyed playfully making the younger drop his back on the bed. The latter laughs before sitting back up and raises a brow to the older again.

"I love you, Kang Younghyun."

Without a delay, the black-haired covers Jae's mouth with his in a passionate kiss. The older responds immediately, throwing his arms on the younger's shoulders. The kiss grew more intense and more heated. They kiss more and more thinking they'll never have enough. They're trying to compensate all those years they spent apart from each other by kissing one another more deeply and steamy with fervent urge they've never felt back then.

Fingers start dancing on each other's skin; lips start to wander around the body; clothes are being taken off. And for the first time after three years, they become one. But this time it's different. It's not like one of those sex they had--those nights when they filled each other's yearning but they're hearts were still longing for something; those nights when their moans that filled the room were accompanied by doubts, fears, unasked questions and untold confessions. Tonight, they do it knowing they love each other.

What used to be a moan-filled room escorted with uncertainties is now a love-packed room with erotic moans as its companion. This is what they've been longing for. They'd give everything for this even the world and Younghyun wants to trade the universe for Jae when he wakes up the next morning without the older on his bed.

 _F*ck! Not again!_ He hastily gets up even if his knees become weak. "Jae!" he calls out with a broken voice. When he opens his bedroom door and see no sight of Jae in the living room, he feels like breaking into tears. _Was everything just a dream?_ His lips shudder. "Jae!" his voice cracks. He drags himself to the kitchen and falls on the floor in relief upon seeing the older in front of the stove.

Jae has his earphones on as he tries to fix breakfast for Younghyun. He is startled when a pair of arms wrap around him from the back. He takes off the earplugs and greets the younger but the latter just snuggles more on his neck.

"What's the matter?"

"I thought you left again," he confesses in a shakey voice.

The older dishevels Younghyun's hair before turning off the stove and faces him. The younger embraces him again and he just chuckles. He's being a child again. He smiles to himself.

"I will never ever do that again."

Younghyun straightens up and holds the older's hands, squeezing them firmly. "You better. It's killing me softly without you by my side." he inhales before looking up to Jae. "Live with me?"

Taken aback, Jae raises his eyebrows. He then grins and chortles as Younghyun speaks again.

"Live with me," he declares. This time, it's not a question but a statement--a demand.

Jae nods before their lips meet again and they start to melt in each other's kisses once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy/Offonoff series is done noooow. Finally!!!  
> And this one is one of my personal favorites so please let me know your thoughts?? 
> 
> Comment here or tell me about it on twt (@kohiiby)


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